“Crying at work? You’re dead in the water if you do that!” a female senior investment banker said in an interview. Another male manager in an airline told me that “someone once cried but they had to leave the building to do it, so that give you an idea of how acceptable that is.”
These quotes are from the chapter Style Matters in my book ‘Women’s Work, Men’s Cultures (2011)’ and from the reaction that Rachel Reeves’ tears have caused it is clear that not much has changed. The freedom to express emotion and what kinds in the workplace depends on the nature of the work and the culture.
The incident should put paid to the strangely popular management idea that employees should be encouraged to bring their whole selves to work. They shouldn’t – particularly in the competitive high status worlds of politics and finance.
Controlling emotional upset caused at work or leaving behind sadness and perhaps personal grief at the front door of your workplace requires a huge amount of effort. Boys learn this at a young age but girls are given more leeway to express sadness until they go to work which is still designed with the male in mind.
In the 1980’s I worked in a very male-dominated environment where there was plenty of emotion flying around – particularly in the trading department. There always is when there are huge amounts of money at stake. Anger, frustration and yes joy when a deal was done. However the expression of emotions such as love, sadness, fear or any signs of vulnerability were and I think still are generally considered unprofessional.
At that time I was sent to work in Japan and struggled in the very male and foreign culture. One day I was presenting some analysis to a Japanese broker in his office when I found, like Rachel Reeves, the tears just wouldn’t stay in my eyes. He asked me if I was ill and I shook my head. He eventually backed out of the room and returned with his boss who had spent time in New York and was perhaps more used to dealing with Westerners and in particular women. At that time Japanese women were only permitted to work as tea ladies in banks. The only other Western woman working in our office was called to come and collect me. I had broken an unspoken rule. No expression of sadness in the office.
Years later as a financial journalist there was more leeway to express emotion. At one publication our department was quite female dominated with the male editors tucked safely behind their glass windows. There were occurrences of tears and upset but we usually headed straight for the loos often to be followed by a concerned colleague. There was no such exit available for Rachel Reeves, nor I noticed expressions or signals of concern from surrounding colleagues.